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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27429139">off the table</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LIGHTSJOON/pseuds/LIGHTSJOON'>LIGHTSJOON</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ONF (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Feels, Cheating, College, Established Relationship, Holidays, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Seungjun deserves better, Students, capturing small moments in time, descriptive narrative, i am bad at tagging, i love this man, inspired by off the table by ariana grande, seungjun thinks love is completely off the table, this poor man, thought/monologue heavy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:35:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,617</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27429139</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LIGHTSJOON/pseuds/LIGHTSJOON</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>it's been a year since seungjun left his life behind, yet somehow it feels like time hasn't moved at all. </p><p>;</p><p>inspired by ariana grande's off the table</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Hyojin &amp; Lee Seungjun | J-Us, Kim Hyojin/Park Minkyun | MK</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>off the table</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this work has not been edited or beta read. you've been warned LMAO. </p><p>enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s been a little more than a year since Seungjun packed his things and moved halfway across the country. It wasn’t far enough, he was sure it would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>be far enough away from the person he once called his best friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His parents had been overwhelmed with surprise when Seungjun showed up at their doorstep, completely soaked through with rain, in the middle of the night. As happy as they were to finally see him, and to be in his company, there was no arguing that his extended visit wasn’t a joyful one. They didn’t embrace one another with excitement, didn’t smile at one another with the beaming joy that usually filled the room. There wasn’t even a single exchange of words until several days passed by, Seungjun completely hypnotized by whatever drove him back home. A place he swore to never return permanently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A year later, Seungjun was still living out of the suitcase he’d thrown together while a numb cold drove tears down his cheeks. He’d added more clothes to his pile, mostly ones that he’d left behind when he moved to the city, while others had been gifted by his mother at Christmas just a year prior. They were a scattered collage of deep burgundies, licorice black, sea foam white, and the occasional forest green. All colors he’d grown to hate with a fiery passion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t bring himself to care every time his mother gushed and cooed about how the colors suited him best, especially during the colder seasons. As a mother, she’d been the first to curate his wardrobe, had been the first to do many things for his sake, but that time had passed. Now, the firsts of his adulthood, at least the ones he thought would matter, were quickly approaching the archive of his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snow fell just beyond the window panes of his bedroom. He almost couldn’t believe the year had passed so quickly. Winter and the holidays were in full effect yet again, and Seungjun almost wished that the holidays weren’t a pivotal time of year for their family. His father adored Christmas—even more than his mother, which was almost hard to believe that was even possible—solely because it was the one time of year that their family would mend and become whole again. It’s not that Seungjun didn’t want to visit his family during the remainder of the year, but rather the fact that he recognized his naivety far too late. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was work, there was love, and there was friendship. All of which he hadn’t been willing to give up in exchange for a casual weekend with the family. Until now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Long before Hyojin, long before Minkyun and their lot of friends, Seungjun probably beamed at the thought of Christmas just as much as his father did. The warmth of family and friendship melting him like cold hands against a steaming cup of hot chocolate in the evening. But whatever he might have felt in the past was completely replaced with a tiresome nothingness. His childish inner spirit completely crushed and diminished into a well of numbness. Only a timeless nostalgia remained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, for a year, Seungjun has been working his ass off. Doing whatever work he could get his hands on. Full-time shifts at the convenience store just at the other end of the block; manning the night shift at the twenty-four hour cat cafe downtown; and on the occasional weekend, dusting shelves and cleaning windows at the local library. It was hard work, and he absolutely hated every minute of it, but he figured anything was better than caging himself in his old room. Only to lock up his heart and swallow the key before he could have a change of heart. No matter how much he secretly wanted to just laze around and wallow in the darkness, he greatly prefered the distraction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mother liked to call it deflection, but she couldn’t feel the agony that stormed through his empty heart like a famished tiger. Frankly, it was easier to put off the feelings he knew he should have confronted from the very beginning than to face them head on. He had forced himself to remain empty and cold, much like the shallow space between the fragile lines of snowflakes, but that didn't mean his heart stopped feeling all together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She might as well have been the only person left who believed that her son was still lingering, self imprisoned within the shell he’d become. His father didn’t fuss or moan about his drastic change in demeanor; he was working and bringing money home, so it wasn’t like he was throwing himself away entirely. Just the person he used to believe was good enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In that life, he was only a semester away from graduating from his double master's program in music theory and education. He’d slaved his way through three excruciatingly long years, balancing school, work, and his very minimal social life. It all had been hanging by a thread anyways, it was only a matter of time before something was bound to snap and shatter. And he would have finished, was on track to finish at the end of that following spring semester, if everything hadn’t gone to hell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the second to last day of autumn finals. He’d spend the entire evening in the library, cramming his brain full of academic articles that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>should </span>
  </em>
  <span>have read weeks prior. He hadn’t even realized just how long he’d been bulldozing through content, that was until the library staff reminded everyone that they were going to close in ten minutes and that all items should be returned before closing. It was then he decided to pack up and head home. His home away from home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d spent the last several years rooming with Hyojin and another guy who was in the same program as Hyojin. Minkyun was cool, more or less. Seungjun didn’t bother him, and Minkyun did the same. It helped that their schedules were damn near polar opposites, so they rarely saw one another anyways. It wasn’t that Seungjun didn’t like him, if anything he thought it was the other way around. Especially when Seungjun and Hyojin spent time together without him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their apartment was a short walk down the street from the university. Most nights Seungjun appreciated the walk itself, relished in its calming silence, a striking difference from the chaos that gathered during the day. But on a night like tonight, somehow it felt too quiet. It was the sort of quiet that made it seem like someone had put the world on mute. The silence, along with the bone chilling cold of winter, stirred something ominous in the atmosphere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Each step closer to an endless warmth made him feel like he was stepping in fresh concrete. His feet heavy with one part anticipation, one part dread. The only explanation was the suffocating stress of the exam period, and it was only now that the realization was finally seeping into each and every line of his body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he’d reached the top of the steps at the entrance of their quaint but charming apartment, he punched in the code and forced the door to budge forward. As he stripped himself of his shoes in exchange for his </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> worn house slippers, he realized that the lights in the common area were off. If it hadn’t been for the haphazardly discarded shoes at the entrance, he would have figured that he was the first one home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyojin?” Seungjun called out into the dim space. He waited a heartbeat, and then another, before his brows instinctively furrowed with something like concern. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He discarded his backpack somewhere on the floor as he shuffled down the hallway towards the bedrooms. “Minkyun, are you here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing. Nothing, but absolutely silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t even bother knocking as he pushed open Hyojin’s door, revealing nothing but darkness. Everything appeared the same as it had that morning before Seungjun had left for campus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungjun shut the door, crossed the hall, and pushed open Minkyun’s door, expecting to find the room just as empty. What he didn’t expect to find was Hyojin straddling Minkyun, lips sealed tightly together. Neither of them had even noticed that the door had been opened, and it was also clear that neither of them realized that someone else was home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could have made a big scene, could have thrown the door open until it slammed against the wall, screamed and cried until his lungs gave out, but his pride wouldn’t let him. Instead, he backed away, not even bothering with the door. The details didn’t matter. By the time either Hyojin or Minkyun realized it had been opened, Seungjun would be long gone with no intention of returning. The cracked door, his mostly empty wardrobe, and his missing daily essentials would have been enough for either of them to understand that Seungjun had seen something he clearly wasn’t meant to see. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been more than a year. More than a year since Seungjun found out that his long time partner had been seeing someone else, and it had been happening right in front of him the entire time. And it was that life altering realization that threw him down a path he pledged to never stroll. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a time of darkness. It still was. And the more scenarios and situations that Seungjun dwelled on, the more things he realized about not only himself, but about Hyojin—the person he thought he knew better than anyone in the world, but amidst that heart shattering turn of events, Seungjun discovered that he truly knew nothing at all. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope y'all like it!! </p><p>don't forget to leave me a comment or kudos!! </p><p>follow me on twt @/LIGHTSJ00N &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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